Friday, December 17, 2010

Stand-Up Comedy Part 5

Two To Three Hundred People

When I asked the crowd of two to three hundred people if anyone knew whether vampires could have babies, I heard answers from all over. Heads were nodding; people were looking at each other; grinning and shrugging. Apparently not many had thought of that question, but it sure looked like they were paying attention. 

Then I got to the zinger and leaned in towards the people, to make a tighter connection, and asked them, “Would you really want a vampire breastfeeding?” Everybody groaned, and then started laughing, and I thought I heard a few hand claps. And then, over the hubbub, I heard the gong. It wasn’t a loud bang like Amy had given everybody else. It was more like a hesitant tap on the metal, and I thought for a minute she had hit it accidently. I turned to give her “The Look,” expecting her to look guilty and say, Oops, sorry.” Instead, she pointed at Gertrud, and told me Gertrud made her gong me. 

I couldn’t believe Gertrud would order somebody to be gonged in the middle of an act, so I looked over at her, along with the entire crowd, expecting to see her waving her hands saying, “No, no, sorry, I made a mistake. That’s not what I meant.” Instead, she suddenly got very busy looking for something in her purse. 

S’pose it’s possible that Gertrud felt the breastfeeding line was too risqué for children, but another woman had sung a bar song that I felt was pretty raunchy; there was no mistaking what she’d like to do to the men in the bar.  Gotta admit, that woman had the voice for it, and man, did she have the moves. She had the entire crowd rocking on their feet, including the little kids. In fact, I talked to her after she was done and told her how to go about getting an agent. But I also would not have considered her song appropriate for kids, and Gertrud never made a move to have her gonged. (Shrug) Donno what happened there, and Gertrud has never offered an explanation.

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